everyone is made for life

Beaucoup.

2007-03-07T19:41:02Z

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT AND DONATIONS!!!!!

thank you so much--i really cannot thank you enough for everything (you know who you are)! ^_^ i need all of the support i can get, and--and--i feel really special and blessed!!! *blush, blush*
all of the words of kindness, donations, encouragement, prayers, and hugs are helping a lot.

if you would still like to donate (b/c i need as much help as i can get for this opportunity), please click on the nifty button below!!!

thank you so much times infinity--this really means A LOT to me!

-Ariss
je.ris.nue@gmail.com

ps--sorry if you see this more than one time--but, once again, i cannot thank you enough for your support!!!

Birthday Girl.

2007-03-02T00:58:24Z

all i have to say is YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

<3 ariss

Also, My Sweets...

2007-02-28T19:31:59Z

guess whose 21st birthday is tomorrow??

ME!!! WOOT, WOOT!!!

I Need a Bit of Help. (and not psychologically...) ^_^

2007-02-28T19:15:47Z

Who: Ariss

Where/When: Ok—so I have an opportunity to go on a French study trip to Quebec’s Bouchereau Lingua this summer for college credit. This study trip will be approximately 10 days (during the summer) where I’ll be able to stay with a French-speaking host family and attend French-conducted classes for 4 hours each day in order to increase my French skills by immersion.

What: I was awarded a partial scholarship by Hinds for being a student representative on this trip for about half of the trip cost; however, I am still in need of money out of pocket for my passport, plane tickets, food, and contract fees with the famous language school. Since I’m a full-time student with a job, I’m having difficulties maintaining the deadlines for the payments on my own. I decided that I would do some extra odd jobs around my school and work schedule to help supplement the money I am currently raising, but I’m still lacking a considerable amount.

In order to help meet my deadlines, I will need your help! I will be accepting money donations of all sorts to aid in making this trip.

How: Please just click on the PAYPAL donation button below, and it will direct you to the donation page where you can enter any amount that you please. I am asking for at least a $1.00 minimum amount, but still –anything- will be appreciated! Even though this is short notice, I am in urgent need of your donations soonat least by Monday, March 5.

I really appreciate your support for my education and expansion in my cultural experiences!!! If you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail me or leave me a comment.

Thank you!

-Ariss
je.ris.nue@gmail.com

Click The Button Below To Make A Donation!

PS--Sorry if you see this on your page multiple times! I am posting this on all of my journals.

Obssession.

2006-10-27T18:51:37Z

1. www.bookcrossing.com -- i'm registered there, but i have yet to send a book out into the wild. also, www.1000journals.com, www.mirrorproject.com, 20things.org--so WONDERFUL!!! ^_^ these type things inspire me.

2. nachos cozumel at cozumel mexican restuarant and bar.

3. the little-big record store in raymond.

4. sending care packages to friends, just because. ^_^ (i just started this, so if you haven't gotten one--you'll get one soon!)

5. the new beck cd called "the information." it comes with free stickers and a weird dvd.

6. michel gondry.

7. a new book called "faeries" by yoshitaka amano.

8. my hair in it's natural state. blame it on the power of these current rainy days.

9. a black, little art sketch book i can tuck in my purse.

10. anime on youtube.com

11. weird jewelry to go with weird shirts.

12. my japanese workbook + cd.

13. designing hoodies for hanelisa and myself.

14. random ideas for S.S. Ira that stem from a night of eva, flcl, cirque du soleil, greek mythology, fairy tales, book reading, listening to old japanese anime soundtracks, and long conversations.

15. movie nite and costume designing with friends.

16. cereal for dinner for a week straight.

17. finding $1.99 shirts at the underground.

18. a random "road trip" with friends.

19. watching "the L word" season 3 with kelly.

20. good karma.

PGSM Acts 5-7. Honto ne??

2006-10-04T02:54:41Z

Act 5

Act 6

Act 7

if you haven't seen these, please enjoy!!! this series is on my top list. eh--now back to doing this research paper from hell. teh suck. ;-;

<3 ariss

Admittance.

2006-09-18T02:42:32Z

this is yet another reminder of the path in front of me i must mend before i cross over another stone.

i am an envious person.

...

i mean, why?

maybe it's because everywhere i go, i hear about how great a person is and i listen with the ears of my body instead of my "inner ears." my inner ears must strain to listen to my own voice inside my heart instead of the noise that is going on around me.

that is what i will do from now on. however, i will not fault myself for allowing myself to compare and compete against others every now and then. many things in life can be compared to seasons, and this is one of them. i cannot stop a season, and i believe the same aspect applies to my feelings. i will allow myself to feel just as much as i allow myself to improve.

another reason i have to ask myself why am i an envious person, is because i know deep in my soul that i am a person of high-value. and i know that i shine the most by being honest and humble at the same time. i do not try to hide and i do not try to be outstanding. that in itself is very valuable, because i can possibly encourage people to do the same by just living my life. then again, maybe i am and maybe i am not... but either way, i am living my life as if no one were around to tell me how much i shine. or at least that is what i'll do as time goes by. looking back, i used to be so hung up on whether or not someone compliments me and use that as fuel to be motivated about most things i do in life, but right now--i can see that it is happening less and less. maybe i already have the ball rolling for this goal, after all??

also, why should i be envious of people that cannot even tell the truth to themselves?? a lot of people cover or compensate their hang-ups and insecurities by lying themselves in order to convince others. i am a strong believer of how people say a lot of things aloud only to convince themselves. sorta like when you make a bad grade on a test that you studied so hard for, and you say out loud when you get the test--"i don't care!" GRACIOUS--YOU KNOW YOU CARE!!! so do something about it. sooner or later, the truth will bleed from every pore. and, honestly, i'd rather not HEMMORRHAGE MY TRUTH. it's a little too easy to slip into that mode, since that's what is mostly taught to us. but as the jedi master yoda mentioned in Star Wars (and what it's also what the martha said unto me ^_^), "you must unlearn what you have learned." it's a relief to finally grow the fuck up and understand that.

also, a bit of knowledge i obtained a couple of years ago from an ancient chinese proverb--"you must strive to be a full bottle."

my interpretation of that can be demonstrated through two water bottles: a half-full one and a full one. shake the half-full one... noisy isn't it?? this shows how when arrogance can get the best of us. many of us want to spread what little we know through talk, gossip, bragging, noise, noise, and more noise b/c of arrogance. now shake the full bottle...it's much quieter--and even more pleasant sounding. compared to the toilet-bowl-sounding-half-full-bottle, it sounds more like a river. this represents how knowledge can be filled throughout, and isn't spread through the constant noise of arrogance. my goal is to become a "full bottle."

*whew*

with that being said, i can continue mending a crack here and there in my pathway. my Way will be filled with beautiful patches and cracks filled with wild grass sprouting in between the gaps. it will be perfectly imperfect--and i'll be happy with that. ^_^

-ariss

My You Burn Eternally In The PGSM Flames!

2006-08-11T11:45:02Z

acts 1-4 (in pieces)! i dug it up on youtube! mostly for my sake... b/c it makes me happy.

act 1

act 2

act 3

act 4

A Bit Of Knowledge For You All.

2006-08-11T10:43:05Z

HEAD ON--APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD~HEAD ON--APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD~HEAD ON--APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!!!

Tuxedo Melvin.

2006-08-07T10:09:59Z

hey eric-san!!! i oddly remember you telling me that one of your favorite episodes of sailor moon (the anime) is "tuxedo melvin." i was watching a few of the old episodes and i came across it! here it is--i hope you can watch it!

PGSM Powah!

2006-08-07T09:55:11Z

for some reason, acts 1-4 of the live action "pretty guardian sailor moon" from japan are missing (although i've seen them, but i just didn't want any reading this to get confused...). yay for lj for allowing embedded videos! i want to see the sailor moon live action episodes from china, now. i need to post invader zim, rocko's modern life, chobits, bollywood movie clips, sailor moon (anime),and the angry beavers (etc.) shows on here!!! mwhahahahaha!!!

PGSM Act 5

Dedication.

2006-07-19T06:42:32Z

frustrating friendships. when i was younger i thought friendships were about being there for people and the same thing being done for you. it was love and not about whether or not a person is useful like a tool. i don't know... that may sound naive or emo. i don't know about other people, but i that's definitely something i find important. but, man, learning how to unlearn is quite difficult when it deals with other people. i'm still happy and the way people view me shouldn't change the way i value myself, but i can't help but feel weird. i'm just thankful to have a few "root" people in my life--i mean, most people go through life looking over their shoulder all of the time, but i am blessed with some good family and friends. i should look at what i have in front of me instead of worrying over what i have to lose. the loss of some people is occurring for a reason. i choose to let whatever reason it may be help me in the path to becoming a more enlightened person.

Haiku² for paranoidgoddess
and finished knowing then you will see what you have not seen before 1st
@

Created by Grahame

that sounds like yoda speaking...

Random.

2006-07-10T19:01:03Z

i just thought this was cute. thanks anna!

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	× I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. ((sometimes...))	✓ I love to play video games. ((but i can't afford it...))	× I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies. ((on;y b/c my friend watched it, and i walked in on it, i swear!))	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	× I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
× I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	× I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi.	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
✓ I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
✓ I like the way that I look.	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
× I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent. (YAY!!!)	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	✓ I have a lot of friends. (good friends... quality not quantity)
× I have pecked someone of the same sex.	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone. (sometimes.)	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop. (sometimes... again.)	✓ I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (so sad...)	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
× I currently like/love someone.	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	✓ I want to have children in the future.
× I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	✓ I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn. (doesn't everyone??)	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex. (sorta... i'm not overly shy.)	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (just alcohol. never drugs.)	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	✓ I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal. (homework in highschool.)	✓ I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends.	× I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	✓ Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
✓ I study for tests most of the time.	✓ I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
✓ I love my job(s). ((eh... to a point. it's definately not my career... just a part-timer.))	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now. (it feels great to say that!)	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles. ((tama!))
✓ I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. (i wouldn't really say ridiculous amounts* just some on wal-mart makeup... but it's mostly lipgloss.)*	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
✓ I hate office jobs. (depends...)	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	✓ I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse.	✓ I still have every journal I've ever written in.	✓ I talk in my sleep. (and i hum!)
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. (i used to... but not now.)	× I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	✓ I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. (cough* DAVID! cough)*	✓ I am a caffeine junkie. (chocolate and pepsi!)
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
✓ I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. (rarely.)	✓ I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
✓ I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
✓ I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	× I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me. (sad, but true. but if they are, then there's nothing i can too much do about it... then i start not to care. ^_^)	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	✓ I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
✓ I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	✓ I can speak more than one language. (not too fluently, mind you.)	✓ I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be. (i honestly prefer that.)
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do. (hell yes!!! it's called college--english comp!)
× I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	× There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people. (dogs.)
✓ I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
✓ I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
✓ I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	✓ I obsessively wash my hands. (when i was stressed freshmen year in college... it's really odd how that happened.)
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others. (not pushed. but eased.)
✓ Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother. (^_^ but then i get over it...)	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	× I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	✓ I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	✓ I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car. (haha!!!)	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years. (in highschool, mostly.)
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other. (DEFINATELY!!!)	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing. (alone!)
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it. (johnny depp)
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays. (whoa. mostly when i was a child.)
✓ I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'. (i guess...)	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	✓ I sleep more than 12 hours a day. (on my days off.)	× I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend. (lol!!!! >_<)	✓ I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	✓ I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone. (emo, but true.)	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks. (americano are too strong to me... but i work in a cafe!)

Stir.

2006-07-08T08:13:32Z

even though i've been mostly working, i've had time for a little fun. ^_~

i'm getting ready for the jackson music awards on monday. so, i bought some new shirts--one is a 70's striped wrap shirt that have red, gold, purple, and plum colors in it and the other is a kimono type shirt that is mainly yellow with flowers and a teal lining at the collar that has a small obi-type tie in the back. most times, i just really don't care about clothes (mainly b/c i can't afford the girly ones i want...), but it makes me happy to buy some wild feminine clothing every now and then. i generally wear jeans, some kind of cartoon/anime shirt (since it's affordable and i <3 cartoons/anime), and some kind of special earrings--so i really don't feel girly all of the time. but it feels so good to get some new clothes!!!

i also got a rinse in my hair yesterday. i chose l'oreal's chilled plum color pulse and i was really happy with the results.

you can only see it in different lighting since my hair is so dark (especially outside, in the sun)--so it's really subtle, but it's still there! ^_^ i didn't want to do anything too dramatic, b/c i'm working in a corporate setting and i may be finding a new job soon. but this color made me feel so good since it's something a little more exciting!

i think next time i'm gonna try a redder rinse so it'll be a bit more noticable on my dark brown hair.

yesterday, i got to visit martha (and the anners and will) in star, ms. her grandparents made a really wonderful dinner and i got to relax and talk to her a bit before she goes to hattiesburg today. everybody is going to be in hattiesburg this summer! erica is there for summer school at USM, brittany starla is also there for summer school, mom is going to be there in the middle of july for a teacher's workshop and she'll be staying on the USM campus, and natalie, possibly kiet, pika, kevin, arrie, and byron are there, too. it's crazy! that just means i'll have to visit whenever i get a chance! ^_^

things are going pretty well. i got to chill with sean, anna, mel, mel's brother, and keni the other nite. before that, i went to king buffett with sean and jenn and watched howl's moving castle (hayao miyazaki!!!) with them, and candace and erica came in town for the 4th, and even though i had to work, i got to spend time with them! my aunt is gonna help me sew a kimono style shirt from scratch and i'm still working on my geisha purse. work is going okay... i guess... i'm just frustrated with david. but it'll all work out--i can't let one (stupid) man bother me. he's the new general manager--and if he ends up firing me one day for being "insubordinate" then oh well... there are other jobs. maybe i'll get a new job soon? if i apply to a lot of places, that is. and i'm a hard worker! ...although, i wish i had a little more days off so i can have a little more time for myself.

i also finished a computer drawing today, after working a close shift!

i tried a new technique for the background. this was done by mouse in about 15-20 minutes in photoshop. the girl is supposed to sorta represent me. the whole idea was sorta inspired by the movie "howl's moving castle" by hayao miyazaki (book by diana wynne jones), and the anime style was inspired by the gainax animation style. i wanted to keep a sloppy, monochromatic style for the girl (and this is going to sound so emo...) b/c it sorta represents how i and a lot of people are imperfect, yet we search for the perfection outside of ourselves. we should just simply be and accept ourselves, and that'll be the best thing... at least for me. ^_^

Jumping Ahead Of Myself.

2006-07-03T23:23:20Z

even though i know, intimately, how patience is a virtue--sometimes i can't help but jump ahead of myself. i sometimes have to remind myself to deal with whatever it is that is in front of me as best as i can.

however, i'm still waiting for things i shouldn't wait for. i should just do and not expect. but, hell, i'm not perfect... and sometimes i need to give myself days where things are a bit disorderly. it's as healthy as having things in order most days--it keeps a balance in my life. i will allow myself to feel whatever i want to feel and deal with myself accordingly.

i'm still waiting for a guy that is "on my level..." whatever that means. i've never had that.

i'm still waiting for these stupid japanese lessons from someone else besides myself so that i may learn more.

i'm still waiting to animate with something more than the old-fashioned tools, so that i won't be obselete whenever i venture into my career. it makes me nervous to be so limited in something i love so much.

i just feel so... lonely, sometimes. everybody has that "someone else" to talk to and i still don't...

the bright side of this is that i still have myself. despite how i may feel, i still have the worlds within myself which i -and only i- can control. i will never get rid of myself. ^_^ and i will do as much as i can to help myself out of my own mess.

Hips.

2006-05-18T08:55:04Z

pro: i have curves.

con: men are dogs.

an example of making a possible weakness a strength in my life.

japanese Usagi voice MOON PRISMA POWAH!!!!

2006-05-17T13:41:57Z

i'm addicted to this show! Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon: Live Action (PGSM)!!! i watched the whole series and the movie a week before school was out, but now i wanna watch it again. corny, i know. also, i've found hellsing, chobits, noir, and other good things i can watch! ssssqqqquuueee~~~!!!!! this is the way to my heart. this and chocolate.

Face Value.

2006-05-17T12:21:17Z

last nite was erica's 20th birthday. i saw her last nite and gave her a cake and her gift and a card, then i came home and stayed up all nite doodling on photoshop. i had a creative nite! i made a gif with my face trying on--well--different faces. okay, okay... it may not look like me that much... or at all, but i tried. it's all done with the mouse. horray for mouse skillz!!!

hopefully it shows up!

Chunky.

2006-05-06T07:41:25Z

some things are good chunky. chunky peanut butter. chunky heels. chunky school pencils. chunky highlights. chunky hipped girls like me... hehe. i was inspired by the chunky book community on lj to start my own chunky book. a book that consists of art and poems of friends. sarah did something similar to this in early highschool, and i'd really love to start this again. i used to have "the notebook" for people to carry around in highschool, but now that people have jobs, and real classes, and huge lives to deal with, i think something more compact and less structural would be best. plus, this is a cheaper method--since i can buy it dollar tree and it won't be abused as badly so i won't have to replace it as much. thus, the chunky book.

maybe i can start one to send to friends. so many of my friends are either away for college or going away for college. i'll be going away myself, at some point. maybe this will be sendable?? i don't know... i possibly won't know unitl i start one. ^_^

this'll be a fun project!!!

...must remember to add this to my evergrowing list of goals.

I Was Weary.

2006-04-28T22:02:55Z

An Altar For Myself.

an altar for myself--
you see--
i made from lies and mist;
and pointed fingers,
twisted hypocrisy--
the things that should not exist.
i could not resist,
for i was weary
of the tears
i wasted on the sill;
my mind,
my body--
rots my soul,
and sours my very will.
o' solace,
why tease?
why visit so briefly?
when the discouragement
waits at the end?
i moved,
i bowed,
a slight bend
so sweetly,
but a quarrel
still sits at the end.
inhale,
exhale,
again and again,
but still a virtue does not begin;
an altar for myself--
you see--
and only i
it can offend.

A. King

4.26.06

A Dream of a Friend.

2006-04-26T02:30:38Z

Her Dream:

hey chick! i miss you sooooo much! i had a weird dream last night and it made me think of you....i wanna know what it means...lol! i went on a walk b4 church, with one of my tires (from my car) and then jogged with the tire over my head all the way back home, showered and spent forever trying on clothes for church. it was very strange. can you explain? lol! i know it is weird.

My Response:

i'm sorry this took so long!!!

tires, in daily life, are a means of transportation and support. it signifies easy access and quick paths to personal resources. however, in your dream, you defeated the whole purpose of the tire and walked with it and carried it over your head. it served the opposite of its use in daily life, and it also reflects an opposite meaning in your dream. if you carry the main thing that is supposed to remedy the weight of burdens, then it is just like carrying your burdens. in your dream, you were carrying your burdens on a journey. does it seem you are doing the same thing in real life?? the journey you made in your dream was to your home, which may not exactly represent you yearn to be at home, but you may yearn to be in a place that means "home" to you. home is ideally the place where you are supposed to be able to unwind and have certain personal comforts at hand. maybe, right now, you feel more than ever that you are far from being in such a place where you can totally relax your mind. thus, you yearn for your "home" to unload and hideaway from your personal burdens. showering is very significant, especially before you go to church. the reason we get dressed up and shower and put on our "best sunday clothes" before church is because in a way it's a representation of presenting our best selves to God. church is the house of the Lord, and it is a place where we learn more about God, connect with Him with others, and also "wash away our sins". with you showering and trying on clothes before church, in your dream, it is like you are preparing for something big in reality. this preparation is sorta like adjusting antennas to get better reception... it may seem long, hard, and tedious sometimes, but there is clarity through the noise of those burdens.

^_^ this whole thing might just be completely wrong... or not, but that is my interpretation of the dream. if there is anything else that you can remember from the dream, please tell me if you'd like. i really hope this helped!!!

... and the rest is just among the two of us.

Poem Post.

2006-04-21T00:24:50Z

The Simple Beast.

I am made of simple stuff
the same stuff of the shade of trees
and the ebb of the rivers
and i refuse to let the muddled Tense of Brain
carve me into a mess of wrinkles.

the flow of time makes me simple
and simplicity is my art
no beginning
no end
an ever-changing form
but still made of the same simple stuff.

my truth is pure
my absence does exist
instrumentality of the individual
but if I were My Own Only universe
who's to say if my presence or absence
really exists?

the Things That Be
will be
each thing is One
but so terribly unique
and I am I
unstable--but I
weak and fragile
but so necessary in the instrumentality of others.

an Age of Mirrors
we mirror each other
others mirror me
without others i wouldn't know my form
or where i am
or the nature of my Inner Nature
or the be of the Things That Be.

do i live to know why?
or for myself?
or for others?

a purpose
a drive
an essence to fill my form
a nature of my Way
That's the Answer!

I wonder then--
why do i create such boundaries
for such simple freedoms?
the answer is always in me.

i keep Myself.
i define
i shape
i form my values of nothingness
into a religion, EVERYDAY.

i am my own beast
and others reflect my snarling form.

such a small perspective
distorted in such a funhouse of eyes
my Way twisted and covered within them
my Own reflection.

Oh--how the sparkling, tempting, easy answer of Blame
tricks my eyes
to believe that my own poison
is a feast!

what i want is clarity.

if i Know myself
then my reflection would be pure
my absence would mean something
because i would hold my own Self
at my own Place.

i am made of simple stuff
which i choose not to twist
into wrinkles from the Abuse of Confusion
or the muddled Tense of Brain.

i am made of shadows
i am made of lights
both simply important
to a full picture.

what i want is simple.

if i know myself
the mirrors that surround me
will not be so hard to look at.

i will not fear the simple beast of Me.

-Ariss King
9:09 am, April 14, 2006.

Wisdom Teeth.

2006-04-21T00:23:21Z

in spite of its title, this entry is not about wisdom teeth or anything protaining to any kind of dentistry. instead, this is about things i have learned and used in the past few weeks.

even though i have wisdom of some things, i have not been doing that great in school. and i'm paying for it. school has gotten to a point where all of the teachers are like, "do this assignment or you'll die and rot." and frankly i am fed up with it. no, i will not die if i don't show up for a class. nor will i parish if i didn't study for a silly, pointless quiz. it's so stupid. so lately, i haven't been going to class and they all want me to drop. i really don't want to do anything that doesn't challenge me or challenges me to a point where i'm killing myself for it. what i want and what i care for should come with a sweet struggle. it should be balanced on all sides. but that's not khow our backwards excuse of a world works, is it? instead i jump through hoops just to gain things i don't want. i have become a collector of Things That I Don't Need.

being slow and getting things done at MY pace is my nature, and i'm so sick of having to rush to catch up with people, only seeing that my performance suffers in the long-run. what difference is the time i use saving stuff when it all boils down, i'll never use it? time cannot be saved but only spent, and if i spend it doing things i want to do then i think it is not wasted. people define the wasting of time upon the fact if you are doing something "productive" with your time. what is productive? it's just an excuse for burning time and breathing more air. the more you "run" to your destination, than the more "productive" you are. well, i say if i can "walk" and occassionally stop and enjoy the world i am walking in, AND STILL get to the same point as the "runners," than i'll go that way. why do we make things so complicated? people think the reward is SOMEWHERE at SOME END, but in actuality, the reward surrounds us everyday. all you have to do is show up for it.

i believe if i can understand myself a little more, which i need to do, than others will understand me more, as well. we are all mirrors of each other. first, we must reflect our own selves and be comfortable with our own reflections before we expect others to reflect something true. we go around lying to ourselves each day. we cover our Truth. why are we hiding our own Truths? from whom are we hiding it from? after all, we are all people and what can they do? they have the same mortal limitations, so they can only harm you mortally if you let them. but they can never touch your spirit unless they have personal permission.

so, i choose what i learn. but i also choose to have wisdom. "The wise are not learned; the learned are not wise." in my life, this speaks many truths. for instance, i believe my grandmother is one of the Wisest people in my life. she cannot read or write (save for her own name) and she cannot explain why the iambic pentameter in Shakespeare's plays is special or why Swiss cheese has holes in it. She just is. she has a clear mind and she knows her own way. isn't that what we find most important-- to know ourselves?? it's so frustrating to see that it's OKAY to be knowledgeable or clever or to have a polished image First BEFORE being wise and compassionate and understanding of our own strengths and flaws before we judge others. we talk in the dark just to understand it, when all we have to do is take it in. we give names to flowers and trees and animals without actually planting or living among them. we have to make sense of everything when some things aren't meant to be understood--and we think b/c we ask all of these questions about things that can't be figured our or explained, we are superior. superior to what? just because a person or animal is not like us, we deem ourselves Superior. some answers can't be found. we just have to believe. it's okay to have Faith. it is the silence after much noise in our lives that gives us solace. it is a means to clear away bullshit and charge our spiritual batteries--a private meditation to obtain wisdom about ourselves.

many people (and i'm guilty of this, as well) are afraid of being alone to reflect upon themselves. it reminds them of so many terrible things and Things That MUST Be Done. everything has to be filled in: appointments, school, work, vacant lots, empty buildings, lands... but does this get rid of being lonely. just because you stand in a crowd of people, it doesn't mean you still don't feel alone. most times, that's when lonliness is at it's worst. we find that we must Do things to kick off the terrible lonliness. we feel we must work towards some big reward that's so distant, that we ignore the rewards around us. one of those rewards is nothingness. doing nothing and clearing time for ourselves. when you write a list of Things to Do, how often do you write in a time slot, "ME TIME?" the best excitment comes from the journey to the destination. a perfect example of this is from a friend of mine: she'll get excited a month before her birthday and remind her friends of it alot, but when it is her actual birthday, it's not as exciting as she thought it would be. the excitement was in her days before her actual birthday, which she would move quickly through and she hoped those days would pass just so she could get to her birthday. if we took time to enjoy the small rewards we have in front of us and stopped filling our schedules with so many things, then we'd have time to enjoy a whole lotta NOTHING.

with the journey of school, i enjoy the times i actually learn and i'm challenged by something, but i also enjoy the company of friends at lunch and the feeling of walking out of a class after finishing a test. as long as i acheived something that helped me grow, i'm satisfied. even if i fail something, i'll still learn from it. then, my failure is not a failure anymore--instead, it is transformed into a strength!

with school, if i am usually stressed, it is not the fact i have failed at something, but it's just the fact i hate to disappoint my parents. they rely so much on me making a good grade ans getting their money's worth sometimes, that is makes me tense. i worry and things start to fall apart as a result. i then feel like i'm not doing the assignments for myself, but instead for my parent's sake. i would love to go to class where grades weren't my priority. i'd love to go to class to learn and to use what i learned so i can become wise. it should be effortless.

It's Probable.

2006-03-15T09:40:24Z

1. i've been having dreams about God lately. a lot of the shows i've been watching lately have been related to God pointing out something that had to be solved within my life. all very short, simple, weird... full metal alchemist (go figure) has been pointing out a bunch of things... how the hero is not the hero because he is perfect, but because he knows his flaws. he knows when to admit to himself that he had the wrong intentions, or if he took something for granted. hayao miyazaki's movies are famous because the villans don't ever know that they are villains. they all fight for their own passions. crash the movie has taught me with each action there is an equal or opposite reaction that protains to the reactions of others. what we say or do may not seem to impact anybody but ourselves, but they actually hold a force over the people even far across the globe, just as a star zillions of miles away holds a force of gravitational impact upon the 6 billion inhabitants of this world. tonite, futurama quoted that: it just matters what i do. i've been sitting here waiting for something to happen, but simply put, whatever i do is important. we learned in astronomy class that we each have our own force. there are different large forces in the universe: electormagnetic, gravity, thermal, dark matter, etc. but while we each may be controlled by one Great force. star wars' famous phrase: "may the force be with you." is true but cannot be explained. a wise person once said that the difference between science and math is that science is the realm of things that MUST be proven while math is of a realm of things that may and possibly doesnt exist in reality. when these things collide, then that's when people believe. maybe with futurama's quote: "when you've done things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all," comes in. when things are done they way they are supposed to be (which is the natrual order of things) then people won't be sure if anything was supposed to be done in the first place. all of the things we take for granted each day is either proven by hope of proven by maths and sciences, but i beleive with either way it is proven to us, it is a way of how God is lightly touching our universe. it is what it is, so to speak. if he didn't touch it, we'd lose all hope, and if he did, we'd all be so dependent on him that we would merely exist instead of living.

MALACHI
Oh Metal Lord, hear my prayer.

[Bender sighs.]

BENDER
(irrate) Yes Malachi what is it this
time?

MALACHI
My Lord, the infidels on your back no
longer believe in you. They say their
prayers go unheeded.

BENDER
Of course they're unheeded how am I
supposed to hear prayers coming out
of my ass?

MALACHI
They talk of war against the faithful.
I beseech thee. Rise up against them,
smite someone who deserves it for once.

[Bender sighs.]

BENDER
Malachi, every time I interfere I only
make things worse. You're best off solving
your own problems.

MALACHI
But, but Metal Lord.

BENDER
What part of "nay" doesn't thou understand?

-----------------------------------------------------

MALACHI
Fear not my Lord, we shall be with you
soon.

BENDER
You're with me now. This is the maximum
level of being with me!

MALACHI
We will solve our own problems as you
commanded. The time has come to convert
the unbelievers.

BENDER
Convert them?

MALACHI
To radioactive vapour!

---------------------------------------------

BENDER
Hey, that galaxy's signalling in binary!
I gotta signal back! But I only know
enough binary to as where the bathroom
is. (shouting) You speak English?

GALAXY
I do now.

[It pulls Bender towards it.]

BENDER
What are you some kind of galactic computer?

GALAXY
Possible. I am user friendly. My good
chum.

BENDER
Who built you?

GALAXY
I have always been.

BENDER
Oh my God. Are you God?

GOD
Possible. I do feel compasson for all
living things. My good chum.

BENDER
But why would God think in binary? Unless...you're
not God, but the remains of a computerised
space probe that collided with God.

GOD
That seems probable.
---------------------------------------

[Bender talks to God.]

BENDER
So, do you know what I'm gonna do before
I do it?

GOD
Yes.

BENDER
What if I do something different?

GOD
Then I don't know that.

BENDER
Cool cool! I bet a lot of people pray
to you huh?

GOD
Yes, but there are so many asking so
much. After a while you just sorta tune
it out.

BENDER
Y'know, I was God once.

GOD
Yes I saw. You were doing well until
everyone died.

BENDER
It was awful. I tried helping them.
I tried not helping them but in the
end I couldn't do them any good. Do
you think what I did was wrong?

GOD
Right and wrong are just words. What
matters is what you do.

BENDER
Yeah I know, that's why I asked if what
I did - forget it.

GOD
Bender, being God isn't easy, if you
do too much, people get dependent. And
if you do nothing, they lose hope. You
have to use a light touch, like a safecracker
or a pickpocket.

BENDER
Or a guy who burns down the bar for
the insurance money.

GOD
Yes, if you make it look like an electrical
thing. When you do things right, people
won't be sure you've done anything at
all.

2. time is not perfect. it was created by man for us to create a work schedule from. i'm tired of following the work schedule man has created. i'm tired of cramming my uncomfortable reactions to Time in a short-lived amount of God-given time. it's not right, and it gives birth to Stress. stress was something we created out of the time we have created for ourselves. it is not fair for us to crreate our own time just like it is not fair for us to create our own time to die or our own judgments upon others' lives. we only have control over ourselves, and it shouldn't have to be justified by kthe time Others allot to us. for now on, i am going to be comfortable within the time i am given by God. i do not make plans, i make goals. to say i'm lgoing to make it to a place by a certain time is unrealistic. if i don't make it, God is not going to punish me, but rather man, which is not fair. if i don't acheive a goal such as going to japan like i have been steering my life towards, then i'd be upset with only myself, since i have control over the place i land. it will be my fault and judgment of rather or not that destination i end up in is a good thing.

3. love is not ever uncertain. if you have to think on whether or not you love something, or if that love is conditional, then you were never in love to begin with.

4. it is easier to pick out the flaws in others, than to pick them out in ourselves. it's the same as being easier to edit or criticize other people's creations, instead or editing or criticising our own works.

5. why should i be afraid of the people in my college dorms or the art teachers that constantly test my goal to become an animator?? they are just people, as my dad would say.

to be editted later on. i was on roll. ^_^